Are you planning more for the Marriage or Wedding?

Jean Lockett

As little girls we dream of many things and one of the things we dream about is marriage, having a home and children. We have seen the unbelievable, fairy tale movies such as; Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast and The Princess and the Frog, all of which displayed a magical wedding of two people that came together and found themselves madly in love. This is something that brings a young girl to the mindset of seeing a very emotional and passionate moment come to life for herself. What are the magical words that women can’t wait to hear the man they love ask? The million-dollar question is “Will You Marry Me”?

The online site; Sound vision wedding statistics(www.soundvision.com)  indicates there are 72 billion weddings per year; 6,200 daily, $20,000 is spent on a typical wedding and $1,016 is normally spent on rings. Now we also know that many have budgeted and spent less on marriages. Most women find it important to make sure that the wedding is truly a dream come true. Many brides take about 14 months or more to plan for their wedding. The things that are top priority is the location, dress, ring, decorations and family and friends. These things are time consuming only because of the expectations of the bride. Now the magical question has been asked. WOW!!! The tears are flowing and the excitement is high. Now it’s time to make all the phone calls to the family and friends; while planning for that fairy-tale moment.

Yet, what time have we spent planning for the marriage? Let’s take a trip down the marriage magical road. We meet the man of our dreams. We shared time together that brought us to a place where spending the rest of our lives was discussed. Well for many women who have gone out on dates, laughed and talked with a man who has made them smile in ways that they’ve never felt before. He’s handsome and sexy. He has a good job and he seems as if he puts you first.  You have experienced the love making and he touches you in ways that you never experienced before. You can sit on the phone and talk for hours as if you are in high school again. You’re on cloud ten. This is the best relationship you have ever had. You have the opportunity of meeting the main person in his life and that’s his mother. Wow!!! now this journey has been truly stamped with the stamp of approval. I’m in now and the magical question is next. You are hoping for him to feel the feelings you have and now you want him to see you as the only woman he wants to be with. Then the million-dollar question is asked. “Will You Marry Me?” Yes!!!, is the response for many after what is considered that magical question is asked. Now after the question, what happens?

Well, because the ultimate and main questions wasn’t asked and we were blinded by our affections and emotions. The thought of becoming his wife has brought so much excitement. We have decided to move in together we didn’t think about the important things that was going to matter after the fairy tale moment ended. Even though we may have recognized several flaws in our future or hopeful spouse, those things were either overlooked or may have been discussed but not valued. When the thoughts have crossed our minds; we get so caught up having so much fun, that its pushed into the archives of our mind. It really doesn’t dawn on us the importance of addressing the matters that is going to mean so much to the life of our marriage. This happens because we desire the fun and prosperity of the marriage. If we were to focus on what sustains a marriage instead of just the pleasures it would be a breeze.

Some of the things that divide a marriage is communication, after a period of time we find ourselves not needing to have things to talk about anymore. We have allowed our cell phones to become our partners; Facebook, calling friends, games, Instagram, emails and other distractions that prevent us from talking with our spouse.  Time has caused us to be separated; we find more time to shop, spend moments with friends, family members, being alone (or me time), jobs or careers, children and other things that prevent us from spending time with each other. Finances, are a problem rather one is not making enough or not working at all. The bank account is mismanaged due to over spending. Now we are at a place where decisions are made that the other may not agree and mistrust creeps in. In the beginning When we have discussed about the places we want to go, the home we want to buy, the places we like to shop, the food we like to eat, our favorite colors. These things are good but when we leave out the fact that we don’t want one who can’t cook, dirty house keeper, lazy or unable to maintain finances. These things can be a problem; many feels as if they are tired of the marriage because they are miserable with the person they decided to marry.

 

We think we know the person only because we have been with them for several years. What are the other questions that are discussed before making that major step?

  • Who is better at managing the finances?
  • Do you like to cook or who will do the cooking?
  • When will our date night be?
  • How will we raise the children?
  • Who will take out the garbage?
  • Who will do the chores in the house?
  • Do you snore?
  • Do you pick up behind yourself?
  • Many other questions that may be a concern to you.

We spend more time and effort planning the wedding. As I mentioned before, the average time spent planning for a wedding is typically about 14 months or more. The time we plan for our marriage; most of the time is none. Some get marriage counseling and because of the strong emotions many feel they can change the other partner.  Before the intimacy, before the magical question; we should make sure we tell the truth. What is the truth? The fact that I’m not a good manager of money, I’m not into cleaning up behind myself, I don’t believe in disciplining the children, I don’t have to tell you where I’m going, I like being alone, I don’t want to work, I truly only want someone that can provide, cook, clean, and attend to me and I do what I want and you accept it. Will the other party ever truly admit to their own flaws to allow the other party to determine if they want to accept you under these conditions? You have to also be truthful to yourself. If you see the problems at hand and know that it’s annoying to you that if you married this person and this is their behavior that you will not get into the marriage. If so, then accept the behavior and don’t complain. The problem is we always want to change the other person. Can marriage help someone? Yes and no, but why not have those things under control before the major decision is made.

Do we spend more time on our marriage or wedding? We should talk about what we like and dislike before the marriage. Spend more time getting to know the person that you’re going to say “I Do” too. Be honest about who you are and what you are going to bring to the marriage. When we properly plan for our marriage more so than our wedding, the results will be AWESOME!!!

CCNM
I have functioned as a Business and Media Consultant over the past sixteen years and spent many years developing my capacity to function in our ever evolving use of technology, communication, education and training.